It’s been a while. I have so much to say and have sat down so many times to write a post, but most of the time I just have no idea where to start. When I started this blog, I intended to somewhat promote my store, but I also figured it would be a good outlet for me. I’ve always enjoyed getting my thoughts out on “paper” and I enjoy having a way to share that with people. But the past year has brought a lot of change – some good, some really difficult. It felt disingenuous to only share the good, but I wasn’t ready to share the rest, so I just avoided it all together. I think I am ready now.
I am so thankful for so many things. I am thankful for my husband. I am so thankful for his love and support and friendship! I am thankful for this baby BOY I’m carrying. I’m thankful this pregnancy has been healthy and – aside from some pretty good morning sickness in the first trimester – fairly easy. I am so thankful for my family; they are pretty much the best! I’m thankful for our beautiful house and our church and my job. We have so much to be thankful for!
Thanksgiving has always been one of my favorite times of the year. I love the weather and the fall colors and the food! This year, it’s a little bittersweet for us though; we never really shared about our Thanksgiving last year, and that’s because we didn’t really have one.
Last year on Saturday, November 21, I took a pregnancy test and it was positive! We were overjoyed! It was planned, but we weren’t expecting for it to happen so quickly! We were planning to go home for Thanksgiving that Wednesday, so we decided to go ahead and tell my sisters via FaceTime (because I couldn’t hold it in) and then we’d tell all of the rest of our families at Thanksgiving. We told a few of our closest friends, but otherwise kept it to ourselves until we could tell our families. Over the next few days we started daydreaming about our child, wandered around the baby sections of a few stores, and discussed how much our lives were going to change over the coming few years. And then on Tuesday night, I started having some pretty severe cramping. By Wednesday morning, I knew what was happening, but we ended up at the doctor to confirm. I miscarried on Thanksgiving Day last year at exactly 5 weeks.
We skipped Thanksgiving. We told our family over the next few days why we weren’t there, but I couldn’t bring myself to say anything to anyone else really. Very few people knew we were trying and it all happened so quickly, that it seemed like such a hard thing to bring up out of nowhere. We only knew we were expecting for 5 days, but we had built up such excitement and hope that the loss was a big blow to us.
In January, things in my professional life took an unexpected turn – I got laid off. Given everything else that had been going on, I took it harder than I might have otherwise. And, although it was a crappy situation, it did allow me some freedom to do some things I wouldn’t have been able to do otherwise, like spend a few weeks throughout the Spring in DFW – including the week my nephew was born. Even though I knew I was in a much better place professionally than I had been before (I had actual marketable skills and experience at a tech start-up to add to my resume), I was back to feeling directionless. That, combined with everything I felt about the miscarriage, made the months from November 2015 to April 2016 some of the hardest I can remember.
All that to say: this year has been different for us, and I had a really tough few months. The miscarriage was a hard thing to mourn; we barely had a chance to be excited before it was over. Losing your job is never easy. There had to be an upside though, right?
I started an awesome new job in May with Indeed. I love it! The job is not something I ever really saw myself doing, but I’m enjoying it and I’m constantly learning new things, which is great. I am finally at a place I can see myself staying for a long time. I am also thankful that I landed somewhere that is so family friendly. They have an awesome maternity leave policy, and for the first time ever, it actually makes sense for me to go back to work after our baby is born.
Speaking of our baby… we were finally at the point this summer where we started talking about being ready to try again. I want to say it was maybe 2-3 weeks after we started having those conversations that we found out I was pregnant. Once again, it happened so much faster than we planned but God’s timing is not ours obviously, and we are so excited!! July 28, 2016 was the due date for the pregnancy that ended in miscarriage. I expected it to be a difficult day for me, and it was a little. But it was also exciting. And terrifying. We had just found out we were pregnant again, and I was exactly 5 weeks along.
I will never understand why this year turned out the way it did, but despite all the saddness, I am so thankful for where we are now and I cannot wait to see what the next year brings!
